Real estate deals can be complex, emotional and at times, downright frustrating. As an agent, you might find yourself wondering why a perfectly good deal just isn’t coming together. The seller doesn’t want to accept the buyer’s offer, or the buyer thinks the seller is being unreasonable. Sound familiar? If you’ve ever been in this situation, there’s one simple shift that can completely transform your negotiation skills: Be hard on the issue, but soft on the people.

The Common Pitfall: Hard on People, Soft on the Issue

Too often, agents unknowingly make negotiations more difficult by blaming people instead of focusing on the issue.

For example, have you ever said something like:

  • “The buyer is being really difficult.”
  • “The seller is totally inflexible.”

Statements like these create an adversarial dynamic. The problem? You are the only one representing each side to the other. If you paint the other party as unreasonable, the negotiation becomes about personalities instead of the real issue—the terms of the deal.

The Shift: Hard on the Issue, Soft on the People

Now, imagine flipping that approach. Instead of making it about the person, make it about the challenge that needs to be solved.

Try saying:

  • “I think I’ve found the perfect buyer for your home. They love it just as much as you do. There is an issue, though—it’s with the price.”
  • “The seller is thrilled that you’ve fallen in love with the property. They’re excited for you to start your journey as the new owner. There is something we need to work through, though—let’s talk about the terms.”

See the difference? Instead of creating a battle between buyer and seller, you’re setting up a problem-solving conversation. Both parties feel valued, which makes them more open to working through the challenge.

Why This Works

When people feel respected and heard, they’re far more likely to compromise. By reinforcing the idea that both parties are great—but there’s a hurdle to overcome—you encourage collaboration instead of conflict.

This small but powerful mindset shift can elevate your negotiation game instantly. Next time you’re in a tough deal, remember: Keep the issue the issue. Be firm on solving the challenge but kind in how you present it.

That’s how the best agents turn tough negotiations into successful deals.

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